He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
