isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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