The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
