First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
