It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
