she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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