She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
