I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
