There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
