im about as happy as oj after his trial
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize