Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
