The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
