She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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