WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
