so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
