I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The air was thick with penises
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
