U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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