im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
farters have to be the big spoon...
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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