My first STD was from a foam party
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
