if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
