Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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