Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
