She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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