drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
