maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
