Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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