I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
