No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
