Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
i out mim tonsoeep
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