so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
