I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
