You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
