We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
