I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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