I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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