Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I need to sanitize my soul.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
