do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
