I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Success! We fucked roommates!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
