listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
