I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
