Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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