I'm so fucking centered right now
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
