you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
