This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
two words: eviction party
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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