Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Randomize
