I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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