You made me cry and you don't even care
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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