dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
How naked do you want me to be?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
