God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
