I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
