this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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