Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize