Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize