Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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