I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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