We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
