don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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