he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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