What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
