I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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