I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize
