it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
