so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
