Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
