Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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