I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize