just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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