Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
