Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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