in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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