Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
