how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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