I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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