I cannot find my penis.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I am naked and annoyed.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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