Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
