Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
