Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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