Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
