And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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