I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize