I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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