i think my tv is drunk
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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