Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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