I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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