are you still at the devil's house?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
