i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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