What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
