Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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