You're so nebulous sometimes
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I pour the whiskey from now on
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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