her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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