Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I need to sanitize my soul.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize