My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
