Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
