Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
